How to untangle ANY conflict

Any time you mix different views, personalities, values & interests the natural result is conflict. But you CAN resolve a disagreement calmly and effectively regardless of the scale of the dispute. Here are some of the top ways to simply process & deal with ANY conflict:

1) Determine what you really want: in the heat of the moment we all can say things that we regret that we don't entirely mean because we're so caught up in the moment. So instead back up and let your head cool before you say, or do something that you'd regret. It may sound simple enough, but sometimes this can be one of the hardest things to do. Suggest, "an alternate time for this discussion." The most important thing is your ideal outcome. When your emotions get the best of you, you can become accusatory and start blaming. Writing down your feelings or talking through them with a friend may help give clarity to your thoughts.

2) Gather Information: once you work out your thoughts, get a handle on the other person's. Don't assume you know the cause of the problem or what the other person is feeling. Arm yourself with as much information as you can before starting your discussion. One of the only ways that you can solve a conflict is if you understand the other persons position as well as you can in hopes that you can find an agreement.

3) Determine your Negotiation: pick a comfortable place for you to have your discussion, an environment can really shape the resolution that you come up with. Set ground rules for how you'll talk to each other. Keep name-calling, accusations out of the process. Decide ahead of time who will speak first. Also make sure that you both have plenty of time to discuss this, nothing is set in stone with a time limit, don't restrict yourself due to time constraints.

4) Send the Right Message: go into the discussion with several ideas of how to resolve the conflict. Make is clear that you're there to work things out, saying something like, "OK we both want to come to an agreement" to establish common ground. The message has to be physical as well as verbal, so avoid movements that indicate irritation or frustration, like tapping your fingers, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes. Set a tone that implies anything but mutual respect, which is sure to increase the tension level.

5) Negotiate: take turns airing your grievances-speaking only when it's your turn-keep things as amicable as possible as you try to find solutions together. "It can go right down the tubes here if you start arguing with the other person, if you start to loose your cool, take a deep breath or two, wait a few seconds before responding, slow down the communication with a rote phrase like, "Let me understand what you're saying." Keep anger OUT of the equation by focusing on your goals for the meeting, avoiding personal attacks and taking a break if you feel the steam building.

If you follow these 5 simple steps, it is SURE to help you with your conflict...trust me.

7 tricks to tame your appetite

OK so more than half of the USA will vow to loose weight this year and then by the second month give up doing it....well I am trying to help fix that issue by giving you a healthy list of snacks that will keep you from over-eating so it may not be as HARD to keep off those extra pounds. Here's the tricks of the trade:

1) Guarantee Success: How long do you think you can stick to your New Years plan? Find a duration that you're 100% confident you can achieve, even it it's just a couple of days. Once you make that your goal date, start the process over, this establishes the notion that you can be successful, but also gives you a chance to start noticing that eating better makes you feel better reinforcing your desire to continue.

2) Find More Motivation: If your diet's only purpose is to help you finally achieve six-pack abs, it may be hard to stick with the long haul. The solution? Provide yourself with additional motivators. Monitor migraines, heartburn, acne, canker sores and sleep quality along with common measures of cardivascular health. Discovering that your new diet improves the quality of your life and health can be a powerful motivation.

3) Don't Dweel on Mistakes: OK, you over-indulged. What's the next step? Robert Dinero's famous, "Forget about it" quote comes to mind. One meal doesn't define your diet, so don't assume that you've failed or fallen off the wagon if you "cheat" with a meal one day that week. Simply make up for it for the rest of the week by eating 5 healthy meals and snacks. That ensures that you'll be eating right more than 80% of the time.

4) Eat Breakfast: I can't stress to you how important this is, yet it's still one of the top skipped meals of the day. This is the ONLY one that actually matters for your entire day. Consider that if you sleep for 6-8 hours and then skip breakfast, your body is essentially running on fumes by the time you get to work. And that sends you desperately seeking sugar, which is easy to find. The most convenient foods are usually packed with sugar (candy bars, soda), or other fast-digesting carbs (cookies & chips). Which leads to out next strategy.

5) Install Food Regulators: It's time for a regime change. Clean out your cupboard and fridge, then restock them with almonds and other nuts, cheese, fruit and veggies as well as canned tuna, chicken and salmon. And do the same at work. By eliminating snacks that don't match your diet and then providing plenty that do, you're far less likely to go to buy fast-food or any junk for that matter.

6) Think Like a Biochemist: It's true! They make all-natural cookies, but even if the cookie is made from organic cane juice (hippie name for sugar), it's still junk food. Be careful and read the labels! Ditto lots of "health foods" in the granola isle, that's because hippie sweeteners raise your blood sugar just like the common white stuff.

7) Recognize Hunger: Have a craving for sweets, even though you ate just an hour ago? Imagine eating a large sizzling steak instead. If you're truly hungry, the steak will sound good, and you should eat. If it doesn't sound good, your brain is playing tricks on you. Change your environment, which can be easy as doing 15 pushups, or finding a different task to focus on.

onto a new year and hopefully a new beginning for you or someone you know

It's a new year and with that comes new studies...here's some that could save you, or someone you know:

- Boost your brain: listening to your favorite songs doesn't just boost you mood, it affects how your brain functions, a new review research has found. In one of the studies patients who had piano sonatas piped into their rooms had lower blood pressure and heart rates and higher levels of healing hormones than those who didn't get the tunes. Download away!

- Fight Heart Disease for $1.99: Another new study has linked gum disease to an increased risk of heart disease, the number one killer of women. The same inflammations that irritates your gums also affects your blood vessels and ticker. One of the best ways to prevent gum disease? Just spend a couple bucks on floss and use it.

Ways to Improve your KARMA

1) That Jangling Sound when you walk is actually CHANGE in your pocket! It's probably about $10 worth of change. Plunk it into a coinstar and hit the donate button and choose from a great list of worthy nonprofits. go to http://www.coinstar.com/ to find the closest one near you.

2) Stop berating your thighs for being jiggly, your hair for being curly, your nose for not being Jessica Alba's...kindness starts at HOME.

3) Say "no problem" to the waitress who forgot your ice water, the guy who cut in front of you in line, even the ex whose name you still curse. Forgiveness, after all is the 401(karma) for life!

4)Yeah, if he'd turned left where you (and google maps) told him to, you'd be there by now. You know it, he knows it. Just make the choice not to rub it in.

5) Commit to a 3-compliments-a-day minimum. And stick to it!

6) Simple rule: Know the name of anyone you see at least once a week. That means your dry cleaner, the office security guard AND your strange neighbor (unless they're crazy and will hurt you)

7) Teach a kid how to tie a shoelace, the difference between lay and lie, or how to make a bully sorry he ever messed with you-anything that took you too long to learn on your own.

8) Wow, somebody should really help that lady lug her heavy stroller up the stairs. Wait, isn't your middle name somebody?

9) treat yourself to that brownie sundae. A recent study found that people may act more altruistic after a major infusion of glucose!

Helping Hands

This BLOG is all about helping YOU....please email me problems that you are going through, something maybe somebody that's close to you is going through and I will seriously help you to the best of my ability with the help from actual EXPERTS.

Lots of my friends come to me for all types of guidance & advice (even folks I hardly know) and I give them all my answers to the best of my knowledge from my own experience, which has helped move everything for those people into the RIGHT direction. I am honest, I am caring, I am blunt, but I will always help you with whatever it is that you feel is bothering you. Don't let it sit in your mind, let it come out and lets talk about it. Career, Sex, Money, Relationships, you name it and I'll be your helping hand. You NEVER have to tell me your name and I will ALWAYS give you advice with whatever it is that you're in need of. Email me ALL of your concerns or questions to cleanuponisle10@gmail.com

Since we're in a recession I thought that this would be a wonderful way for me to contribute to people that need help most when they don't have the penny's for it. Let your FREE sessions begin, the Dr. is in :-)

Dr. Semra