
Any time you mix different views, personalities, values & interests the natural result is conflict. But you CAN resolve a disagreement calmly and effectively regardless of the scale of the dispute. Here are some of the top ways to simply process & deal with ANY conflict:
1) Determine what you really want: in the heat of the moment we all can say things that we regret that we don't entirely mean because we're so caught up in the moment. So instead back up and let your head cool before you say, or do something that you'd regret. It may sound simple enough, but sometimes this can be one of the hardest things to do. Suggest, "an alternate time for this discussion." The most important thing is your ideal outcome. When your emotions get the best of you, you can become accusatory and start blaming. Writing down your feelings or talking through them with a friend may help give clarity to your thoughts.
2) Gather Information: once you work out your thoughts, get a handle on the other person's. Don't assume you know the cause of the problem or what the other person is feeling. Arm yourself with as much information as you can before starting your discussion. One of the only ways that you can solve a conflict is if you understand the other persons position as well as you can in hopes that you can find an agreement.
3) Determine your Negotiation: pick a comfortable place for you to have your discussion, an environment can really shape the resolution that you come up with. Set ground rules for how you'll talk to each other. Keep name-calling, accusations out of the process. Decide ahead of time who will speak first. Also make sure that you both have plenty of time to discuss this, nothing is set in stone with a time limit, don't restrict yourself due to time constraints.
4) Send the Right Message: go into the discussion with several ideas of how to resolve the conflict. Make is clear that you're there to work things out, saying something like, "OK we both want to come to an agreement" to establish common ground. The message has to be physical as well as verbal, so avoid movements that indicate irritation or frustration, like tapping your fingers, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes. Set a tone that implies anything but mutual respect, which is sure to increase the tension level.
5) Negotiate: take turns airing your grievances-speaking only when it's your turn-keep things as amicable as possible as you try to find solutions together. "It can go right down the tubes here if you start arguing with the other person, if you start to loose your cool, take a deep breath or two, wait a few seconds before responding, slow down the communication with a rote phrase like, "Let me understand what you're saying." Keep anger OUT of the equation by focusing on your goals for the meeting, avoiding personal attacks and taking a break if you feel the steam building.
If you follow these 5 simple steps, it is SURE to help you with your conflict...trust me.